Access Blogs
Inside The Mind Of A Guest on "Chelsea Lately"
So, yesterday I was invited to be a guest on the panel of "The Chelsea Lately" show. The show airs on "E" late nights and is doing really well for the network even beating out "E News" some nights for ratings. There is definitely some buzz building for the show and for its host, Chelsea Handler. Men especially really like her biting humor. She is definitely one that tells it like it is. At the top of each of her show's she does a panel discussion ala "The View" with three guests who gossip and crack jokes about the entertainment stories of the day. Usually its a comedian, an entertainment journalist and a C or D list celebrity. You can guess which one I am.
After sitting through an hour of hair and makeup with an amazing gal who won an Emmy for her work on the "Tyra Banks" show, I felt like a movie star or at the very least one of those people who get makeovers on the Tyra show and then walk out strutting their stuff like a champ. I didn't know my hair could look like that. I'm so used to having to do it myself. Then I'm taken into the green room where I introduce myself to Shanna Moakler who is on the panel. She doesn't' remember me from backstage at "Dancing with the Stars." Then again she reminds me she was voted off on week two which she is bitter about still. Then the other panelist, comedian Greg Proops comes in followed by Chelsea.
People always tell me I'm intimidating and I finally met someone who made me feel that way. Chelsea is like the popular girl in high school that you really want to try and impress. She owns the room when she walks into it and you just have to try and keep up. She thinks out loud. So, whatever comment whether naughty or nice pops into her head she just says it. Her first comment to me was "thanks for bringing your boobies with you. " I was wearing a red corset like silk top. So, "the girls" as my friends like to call them were pushed up a little bit. I tried to be funny by saying "the girls go with me everywhere I go." I think this went over like a bump on a log.
We talked about the topics we would be discussing today... Britney, Paris, Lindsay (Brinsey as I like to call them) and Hannah Montana. I told Chelsea I was a secret "Hannah Montana" watcher and she says "great say that." This would later bite me in the ass! Lastly, Chelsea tells us to please not talk over each other. Easier said then done. This makes me nervous all of a sudden.
We wait in the wings for the show to start and then are introduced one by one to the audience. I get my first ever cheers from an audience... out of obligation rather than anyone actually knowing who the hell I am. As soon as we sit down Chelsea looks at me and says "so you want us to just say your from Access Hollywood?" As if, I have secretly stolen this identity and don't really work here. I say yes and then we are rolling.
The first topic was Pamela Anderson who got married over the weekend in Vegas to Rick Solomon of the Paris Hilton sex tape infamy. My boyfriend kept telling me "don't try to be funny." Unfortunately I don't take his advice and try to make a joke about Pam at least wearing more clothes for this ceremony. "she went from bikini's to denim and maybe next marriage we will actually see her in a wedding dress." Sadly, This doesn't elicit many laughs.
The next topic is Lindsay Lohan who is out of rehab with her dad by her side. Chelsea rips him to shreds for his tight jeans, tucked in sweater and belt. I offer up some useful information about him having a new girlfriend and going to Zales to buy Lindsay a 4 carat "getting out of rehab" present. This seems to put me back on track.
Then Chelsea moved onto the topic of Miley Cyrus and "Hannah Montana." Of course, this is a topic I know a lot about and I open my mouth and admit I'm a secret "Hannah Montana" watcher. Chelsea quips back, "you should keep that secret." I should have shut my mouth up then. Instead I reply with, "well there is not much else to watch at 11 o'clock at night. Why, why, why would I say something so stupid. Chelsea's show airs at 11:30pm. This was not meant to be a slam on her show at all but more a comment that I'm pathetic and lay in bed at night and put "Hannah Montana" on because it puts me to sleep. I was hoping the show would be long and they would edit it out before it aired but no such luck.
I bounced back on the final topic of Paris Hilton. I actually got a laugh too from the audience when I imitated how Paris stole the limelight from her sister Nicky at her birthday party this past weekend. Vindication!
Then it was over as fast as it started. Not bad for my first time out never having met anyone on the panel or Chelsea. Next time I'll shine! That is, if there is a next time.
Dishy
There will be a next time!
I was watched the show and I you did great. I recognized you from the moment I saw you. You have the best blog on ACCESS HOLLYWOOD! Congrats and I'm sure there will be a next time!