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The Seven Rules of Airplane Etiquette
It's been awhile since my last Blog. That's because I've just returned from vacation. Although it's hard to call it a "vacation" when you are just visiting family. I think I'd call that more of an anti-vacation. Don't get me wrong -- seeing family is great -- but it's more work than relaxation.
In order to regain my celeb-sanity while away from my job, I chose not to watch TV, read any magazines or look at any celebrity related Web sites this week. Not an easy task in this celebrity obsessed society. Those are my three little stars in the photo! My nieces Emma, Hannah and Rachel.
Instead of talking about anything celebrity related today, I've chosen to offer my thoughts on something that really bugged me this week - airplane travel. I was on seven (yep, seven) airplanes in the span of nine days, not even to mention the hundreds of thousands of miles I've logged over the years. So, I'm going to consider myself somewhat of a travel expert and offer up this advice to my fellow passengers. While there are some things you can't really control -- like crying kids -- other things, you can. I'll call them the seven cardinal rules of air travel.
1. Brush your Teeth - Isn't it only common sense that when you are sitting next to strangers in a confined space you should have minty fresh breath? Sure, once they hand out the peanuts, all bets are off, but at least make the original effort so we don't have to spend the whole flight holding our breath.
2. Keep Your Shoes On - Just because they ask you to remove your shoes at the security line does not mean you should take them off anywhere else. Even if you have the best smelling tootsies or are wearing your favorite new argyle socks, your fellow passengers don't want to see them.
3. Deodorant Is Your Friend - Since most of us are not as good looking as Matthew McConaughey (who is famous for his dislike for the white powdery underarm stuff) we just can't get away with not smelling like a rose when we are inches apart from one another.
4. Leave the Perfume and Cologne alone – Newsflash!… Spritzing yourself to cover up the fact that you haven't showered does not work. You may like the scent of musky oak or lilac but no one seated around you does.
5. Quit Kicking My Seat - To explain this I shall tell you about my last flight of my cross country trek where I turned around to say the following to the man behind me -- "I realize these seats are small and you have long legs but quit pushing your knees into the tray table and pushing my seat up before I take your knees off." I expect young children to kick, not 40 something business men.
6. Easy on the Liquids - No one likes to use the airplane lavatories. They are small and smelly. I don't know how people join the mile high club in those things. Even still, inevitably someone downs too many coffees or sodas and has to get up every twenty minutes to use the bathroom. Usually, its someone sitting in the window who then forces me to close my book, put away my iPod or pick up my drink and close the tray table. Better yet - If you know you have an overactive bladder, ask for an aisle seat.
7. Fuel is for airplanes and automobiles - How can I say this politely? Fuel = Gas. Don't stop at Taco Bell before your flight.
Hi...
This is an interesting rule book for to be on the airplane. Isn't it?