'The Bachelor' Recap Week One

Next, they show a promo of what is to come in this season. In typical "Bachelor" form, they try to make it seem like it's all nastiness and cat fights. Much of it appears to be creative editing. The slaps they show and the girl proclaiming "you are both nothing more than a couple of whores" is taken from one of the group dates where they visited the set of a soap opera and got to participate in learning how the shoot the show. Just six minutes in and we are at our first bachelorism when host Chris Harrison proclaims 'it's the most romantic season ever." Somewhere out there is a drinking game going on to this show. I've already decided my bachelorism is to call this "the most poorly thought out season ever."

Time to meet the 25 bachelorettes who floss, run, jump, dance and make general asses of themselves in front of the cameras because they have no clue how dumb they will look on national TV and thats what the producers told them to do.

Cute single mom Stacia (the first of four moms on this season) seems to have her act together way more than the other twenty-something girls they have shown so far. I love that her son is wearing a t-shirt that says "chick magnet". Hilarious! 

Bachelor Alert!!!  - All girls in LA are not as nuts as Renee. We don't create vision boards and talk baby talk to our dogs and talk about "energy." You know right then and there this girl has sealed her fate to go home.

OK, let's just go ahead and nominate Stephanie from Alabama to be the next Bachelorette. Stephanie tells the story of how she lost her husband in a plane crash three and half years ago. She and her daughter (who was just ten weeks old when it happened) have a cross in their backyard as a memorial to him. The first tears have started. I'm such a sucker for a sappy story. I am however concerned that maybe she has used a bit too much botox.

Next, we meet a trio of tough chicks who each separately discuss how they will bitch slap anyone who gets in their way of the prize of Jason. Classy.

It's limo time as the 25 girls one by one get their first chance to meet Jason.  First out of the limo is Lauren, a teacher from New Jersey who in her nervous excitement makes Jason guess her age. He smartly gets close but I really wish he would have guessed 35 just to make her feel like an idiot for asking such a dumb question.

DeAnna look-alike Melissa from Dallas admits her nervousness which Jason seems to like. According to some spoiler sites, we'll most likely be seeing a whole lot of Melissa this season. She's already been on a reality show having appeared in two seasons of CMT's "Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making The Team." Let's face it even a single daddy can't resist a hot cheerleader.  

Sharon from New York tries to impress Jason with her salsa moves. Not a pretty site.

The first girl out of the second limo is Naomi from California. Jason tells her that was his position on "The Bachelorette" which might be a good sign for them. Or it could mean that Naomi will get down on bended knee for Jason only to be pulled back up.  

Of course I instantly like Megan who is a Pittsburgh girl! Quality chicks come from the 'Burgh (such as me).

Uh oh. My girl Stephanie seems to be a little bit taller than Jason in her heels. Not good!  I could never date someone shorter than me. If I can't wear my five inch heels on a date you're out!

Nikki from Chicago is the first girl to ask Jason about his son Tyler and explain that she only did the show for him which frankly makes her look like a stalker but then again didn't they all come for just him, so they are all stalkers.  

Molly embarrasses Jason by making him bust out his golf swing. Girls, please don't listen to anything the producers tell you to do. Don't you get it only serves to make you look stupid.  

Ironically, another Nikki (this one from Canada) is the second girl to admit she watched Jason on the show and talk about his son to him. This one takes it a step further by telling him she wore an orange dress because she remembers his son saying orange was his favorite color. Cue the "Psycho" music now.  

Jillian, another Canadian makes herself stand out by asking Jason about hot dog toppings. I'm intrigued. Surely this must be some genious concept, right?  

Emily from Seattle has the one-up on all the girls for being geographically desirable. Plus, she is a hot blonde. Although I get the feeling Jason is more into brunettes you know.

Shannon from Missouri, the last girl out of the limos, makes the huge mistake of busting out her fake teeth for Jason. That clip will come back to haunt her. I can guarantee it. Who remembers orange peel girl?  

A tease proclaims "and later it's the most shocking twist in 'Bachelor' history." All over the country people take drinks. The twist is that the girls get to vote to send one person home. Let the cat fights begin. If the point of this show is for Jason to find the love of his life, it seems pretty crappy that he doesn't get to make the decision of which girls he wants to stay.

The party begins with a toast from Jason and the alcohol flows. Jason spends one-on-one time with the teeth girl who scares him off by telling him she has been researching all about him via MySpace and feels like she knows him from watching him on the show. (Side note: don't think you know who someone is just from seeing them on a reality TV show. Editing only tells part of the story. Trust me. Been there. Done that.)

Sharon from New York freaks out Jason by telling him she resigned from her job to come and meet him. Big mistake honey. Huge.

My tolerance level has reached its peak as one of the girls begins to read Jason a poem she wrote as another horrified girl looks on in well, jealousy that she didn't think of the idea.  

Jillian, the hot dog girl explains her theory of condiment choices which sounds like a whole lot of baloney to me. (Thanks. I'll be here all week making lame jokes) Sadly, at this point I check the DVR and realize the show is only half over.

Hot Brazilian Raquel makes all the girls crazy with jealousy when she takes Jason outside for a little salsa dancing. Molly interrupts and steals him away and poor Raquel gets tossed aside only to come back and steal him away from her. Brazilian bombshell tops girl next door anytime. Sorry Molly.  

Poor Lauren thinks she is getting the first impression rose when Jason steps away for a second only to return with a slice of cake for her birthday. She blows out the candles and makes a wish which i'm sure we all know goes something like this - "I wish to marry Jason and be Ty's mom." 

Chris Harrison comes in to reveal the "twist" to the girls. Jason makes a good point that the opinion of the women is important to him it will be interesting to see who they want to send home. Ultimately, that doesn't work in his favor as most girls vote for who they think is a threat rather than who they think is wrong for him.

Jason gives the first impression rose to Nikki from Chicago. I guess he actually likes that the women are all stalkers.  

Chris Harrison comes back to give the results of the women's elimination vote. Now clearly this was not something the producers thought through as keen observers will notice the cutting in of a voiceover explaining what happened with the vote. Single mom (and my Pittsburgh girl) Megan is told she received the most votes and the big "twist" on the "twist" is that Megan will get a rose. OK, so here is what I think happened. The producers liked Megan for Jason or they told him who it was and he said he really liked her so they decide to change their twist. If one of the other girls they didn't particularly like would have gotten the most votes she would have gotten the boot. Megan has a bit of a breakdown over being backstabbed by the other girls. Come on girl. Steel town girls have much thicker skin than that!

Finally, the rose ceremony where Jason sends home ten girls and keeps fifteen (including Megan and Nikki) - Lauren, Carrie, Naomi, Natalie, Molly, Raquel, Stephanie, Melissa, Jillian, Shannon, Lisa, Sharon and Erica.

A promo showing whats coming up on this season seems to infer that Deanna comes back to beg for Jason to take her back. To me it looks again like creative editing on the producers part. I'll be with Jason on Wednesday for a segment in our weekend show where I shall grill him on this topic.